Spring ‘23 - Wrap Up (April, May, June)
Howdy!
Believe it or not, living part time in one of the most beautiful places in Colorado and working full-time can really pack your days full. I’ve barely had time to sleep 8hrs, let alone consider writing a piece on my month (& some) of moose-mania. Though honestly, I feel incredibly thankful for the balance that I’m striking in my life currently. For a lot of my life, thus far, I’ve struggled with maintaining a good grasp on maintaining friendships/relationships, while also prioritizing the things I want/need for my own sanity and well-being. People pleasing is a bear! But, I truly feel at peace recently.
My mental health has been on an all-time high… thanks to some intense self reflection, therapy, and some hard let-downs. That’s not to say that I don’t still have bad days (God knows I do), but they are far less frequent and volatile. Even though I’m more disconnected from my pals and family than ever before, I’m realizing that being alone is kinda good for a person?? Yes—you just heard me correctly.
I used to be so scared of being alone. Blame it on having divorced parents or getting left behind at one of my mom’s marathons once, or something equally as trivial and earth-shattering as a wee little Willy Wonka looking child. Either way, I didn’t know what my identity was beyond the other (person, place, thing). I hid behind these things because standing in my own skin was a vulnerability I didn’t want to expose. More so, I am a deeply trusting person and yet, an incredibly stubborn skeptic. I let people in easily, but struggle immensely with letting go.
Things feel different now.
I say this with trepidation, though. I would never want to give off the impression that my current upward trajectory is wrapped up in a shiny red bow. Happiness is constantly fluctuating and setbacks are part of the growing process too. In the plant world, this is like when new plant growth is actually stimulated from regular amounts of browsing (the eating of planty material). New shiny shoots arise from the gnashing of teeth. Or, far more commonly, pressure makes diamonds.
Believe me, I love being in love. I miss being in a relationship. I still feel FOMO when I don’t go to an event. I’m the kind of person who never wants to leave a good night. I used to think that going against the grain on this sort of stuff was a rejection. If I wasn’t someone to something, there was something terribly wrong with me. I couldn’t be happy until this role was fulfilled. It makes sense—we’re all human, we all want to be loved and appreciated. We’re made by the people we surround ourselves with. There’s innate beauty in that. Still, however much I want to get rid of my brain all together and ceremoniously burn it in the dumpster fire it wholeheartedly belongs in, it’s the only one I have. And I gotta find a way to live with it. Happy or not.
That’s the breaks, folks.
Anyway, life is silly and weird and wonderful all mixed into one. I’m grateful for these moments of reprieve, however strangely they appear.
Enough of the sappy stuff. Let’s get into the fun! As mentioned, I’ve had really good work-life balance in the past few months, so I’ve been able to keep chipping away at movies, music, books, and TV.
Spoilers, dear readers, spoilers ahead.
Music
Over Memorial Day Weekend, my family requested a set list of hootenanny’n music that would rile up guests for a debut opening of their newly bought home. Given my bottomless adoration of the banjo, this collection of songs came easy. It may very well be my magnum opus.
Also. Huge shout out to this song. I’ve been a huge Gregory Alan Isokov fan since seeing him at Red Rocks in 2018 (or 2019??) and I simply cannot get over the lyrics “just your smile lit a 60-watt bulb / in my house that was darkened for days.” Like dude. Where can I get a man to describe me like this?
Television
The Summer I Turned Pretty (Season 1)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I went back and rewatched this series in preparation for the upcoming second season and guys. Not only did I watch the entirety of this show in 24 hours, but I also read through the whole first book in the same day. And then the other two books in the next couple of days. All that to say, I’m a big fan of this show, no matter how cheesy it is. Truly all of my problems in life stem from the fact that I didn’t grow up spending my summers on some small oceanfront town with my mom’s friend’s conveniently close in age sons. I want a moody boat boy and I want him now! Team Conrad for life, baby!!
Never Have I Ever (Season 4)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Although Devi was an undeniably flawed main character (maybe even the most??), this show made my sob in my bed at 1:30 in the morning. I’m sad to see this series go, since it was such a dumb lighthearted watch, but I’m happy that we ended on a good note. Also…. side note. Can I get invited to an Indian wedding ceremony? Because damn! You guys really know how to party.
Jury Duty
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Straight up insanity. Everything about the production of this show was absolutely mind blowing and perfectly executed. A HUGE round of applause for the insane method acting these actors went through to make this production the beauty that it was. If you haven’t seen Jury Duty yet, you absolutely have to.
XO, Kitty (Season 1)
⭐️⭐️
If there’s one thing about me that you need to know, it would be my stoic commitment to watching every Netflix original teenage rom-com. I’ve seen them all. After. Emily in Paris. The Kissing Booth. To All The Boys I Loved Before. I’ve consumed them all. Do I somewhat hate them? Yes. Will I continue down this road, indefinitely—of course. XO, Kitty is simply another addition to this docket. This show was a testament to the insane shit that goes down in middle school. Like why is literally everyone smooching everyone? At what point does it just become an incestuous cess pool? Asking for a friend.
Queen Charlotte - A Bridgerton Story
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Yeah. I’m a big Bridgerton fan. Like many women, I would be much happier if I was doted upon by men with cummerbunds. My feminism would quickly leave my body the minute a man said m’lady and asked for a dance. And god forbid someone defended my honor by way of a duel—I might even have to resign to being a full-time housewife.
Last thing—ahem. The bath scene. The bath scene, ladies and gents.
This Bridgerton was less good than the other ones (I sobbed pretty much every episode), but still worked decently well. I’m buzzing for the next season though. Pen & Colin??? Unrequited love arch???? Sign me the f up.
Beef
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The thing Beef did so excellently was pacing both a simple story line: what happens when road rage escalates to an unhealthy level?, while also expertly weaving in complex themes like depression, religion, and capitalism. The visceral reaction I had to certain scenes is unmatched—one of the best things I’ve watched recently.
Fleabag (Seasons 1 & 2)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
God. This show. The Fleabag adoration fanclub is a mighty subset of people. I never thought I’d be one of them, but here I am. The writing of this show is undeniably top tier television. It’s irreverent and self-reflective and absurd in all the best ways. There are moments in Fleabag’s relationship with her sister that strike me with how achingly similar it is to my relationship with my own sister. Especially the infamous haircut scene in season two. Speaking of the the second season—utter perfection. You know when the Bridgerton insanity was going on and women’s uterus-es seemly were falling out by how hot and bothered the sex scenes were? That was me with Fleabag & the priest. I had to take lengthly breaks to finish watching them, I swear to you.
You (Season 4)
⭐️⭐️⭐️
I honestly really had to pressure myself into watching this season of You. Honestly, I’m just simply getting tired of watching the eat the rich nepo-trustfund baby trope. Even more so, I’m exhausted by our deeply flawed protagonist, Joe, and I’m frankly fed up with watching countless women fall for his “charms.” I hope justice is coming for him in the final season.
Film
Amélie
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
One thing that I will always stand by is the fact that there should be more lighthearted movies in this world. Amélie felt like the perfect escape into a little french world where light just sorta emits from every corner. For years my eldest brother tried to put me and my siblings onto this movie. Still, in typical contrarian fashion, we resisted. Turns out he was right. It is perfect.
Asteroid City
⭐️
I have never fallen asleep in a movie theater before, but I guess 10 hours of looking at plants in the hot sun prior to sitting in a dark room doesn’t really do you any favors. I missed the alien scenes entirely, so I was very lost. And in typical Wes Anderson fashion, if you blink a little too long you miss about 5 hours of dialog and plot. All in all, it was a little lackluster. Not sure if any of my Fort Collins homies are tuning in—but I went to the Lyric! Is there a better spot for a Wes Anderson movie? … I don’t think so. Anyway, this isn’t an accurate review. I’ll probably go back and watch it at some point. Probably.
Forever My Girl
⭐️1/2
I don’t know why I put this on. This movie was utter trash. It had the most unrealistic 7 year old of all time. Made me so mad, I can’t even begin to explain.
Puss in Boots
⭐️⭐️⭐️
My best friend Lauren was back in town for a few short days, so we got together the old Doc Night Crew to go back to our roots: sitting on the couch. As usual, we picked a movie instead of a documentary. I had heard so much hype about the newest Puss in Boots movie, that I think I went in with such high expectations that it all just sorta fell flat. That’s not to say that the animation wasn’t amazing or the story line wasn’t good, but it’s a kids movie through and through.
Reality
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
This was a strange pick for myself. Though I will say it was the third movie choice of the day and we all know that things start to delineate after the second movie—when your butt starts molding into the couch indefinitely. Still, it was decent. Sydney Sweeney is a better actress than I think she gets credit for. It’s cool to see her branching away from the Euphoria insanity, however good it may be.
Top Gun Maverick
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Okay, I gotta fucking rant for a second. This movie knocked my socks off. I’m not kidding. I held out for months to see the second installment of the TOP GUN cinematic universe, because honestly, the first one was just okay. It was a movie. That existed. Do I still feel an ounce of American pride when I watch young Tom Cruise drop fighter jets out of the sky?—of course! But do I consider it one of my favorites?—absolutely not. But Top Gun Maverick…? I cried. I felt PRIDE. I wanted to belt the national anthem and buy merch from that one company that makes t-shirts with screenprinted torn american flags and cook some motherfucking hot dogs on my grill. This movie made the first one BETTER. What other half-assed sequel can say that? The volleyball scene, alone, gave me hope for mankind. AND convinced me that mustaches are actually a good look on (some) men. I’m a stan.
Blade Runner 2049
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
My brother, like most men, is a mega fan of this movie. So, one rainy day in Fort Collins with nothing on my schedule, I decided to finally give it a shot. Was it the best thing I’ve ever seen? Hardly. But, I do applaud the cinematography department. Moody orange lighting has and will always be my favorite.
There Will Be Blood
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
There’s something about this film that kinda always just stays at the fringes of my subconcious. Whenever I see an oil derrick now, I think of the scene with the exploded rig in the pitch dark. Growing up in Oklahoma, around so much oil culture, these symbols of western expansion and colonization seemed almost reverant. At the time, it was never that obvious to me that that greed and misintent has historically been so intrinsically wrapped into the industry. This film hits on those themes so expertly—I almost want to watch it again to see what all I missed on first viewing.
Get Out
⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2
After weeks of saying I was going to watch Jordan Peele’s newest release, Nope, I proceeded to not watch Nope and instead, watch his first seminal piece. And actually, I watched it twice. Once with my sister and once with my brother. Some of the dark humor was incredible and had my jaw drop to the floor, but it did feel extremely short for some reason.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Shit, this was also a sneaky unexpected favorite of the month. I went to go see this one solo at the movie theater, which added to the whole experience. As someone who hardly does things by herself, I highly recommend taking yourself to a movie. You get to enjoy the whole thing, without interruptions or commentary, get all the snacks you want and not have to share, and just decompress from the world for a couple of hours. I’m a fan, to say the least. As for the actual movie—I cried, and then cried again, and then cried again. I wasn’t expecting to be emotionally damaged by a marvel movie of all things (of which, I’m not typically a fan of). Where was PETA when you needed them?
The Woman King
⭐️⭐️⭐️
I had heard a lot of discourse about The Woman King on the internet, so I went in kinda hesitant to this movie. It’s always interesting to me how directors choose to spin historical stories in a way that doesn’t accurately depict the events or people. It was hard to watch this without feeling grit under my tongue, however of a powerful story it depicted in its own right. Not to get super psychological, but it’s strange to completely ignore the duality of human nature. I’m all for feminism. I’m all for women’s rights. I’m all for equality. I’m all for Viola Davis being a badass warrior. But in that, we can’t just erase that some women are terrible human beings. They are as falliable as the rest of man(kind). In a weird way, I wish popular media reflected this more. Let’s have more flawed women characters!
Ghosted
⭐️⭐️
When you put two hot people in a movie together, more likely than not, that’s the only thing people are gonna focus on. Do I remember anything about the plot? Hardly. And that’s okay. Ana de Armas and Chris Evans are doing just fine.
Dead Poets Society
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Halfway through this movie my mom comes into the room and says “you know why they’re call it Dead Poets Society, right?” and proceeded to spoil the entire movie. In terms of Robin Williams movies, not my favorite (I am a die-hard fan of Good Will Hunting), but I think this movie still holds it own.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
⭐️⭐️⭐️
It’s not a secret that I am an avid Pedro Pascal fan. Since TLOU, I’ve been dreaming about this man nonstop, so I’ve been on a mission to watch all of his movies. Due to the extreme popularity of the “make your own kind of music” meme circulating around the internet, I thought that picking up this one was a good first start. All in all, it was a sweet movie. I know utterly nothing about Nick Cage, so a big chunk of the references went over my head, but his chemistry with Pedro was unreal. Though, that’s to be expected. He could have chemistry with a fucking doorknob, I swear.
And that’s all folks!
We’ll see if I’ll revert back to monthly wrap ups or if this seasonal summary ends up working better. Mid-summer season means I’m moving into the intense wildlife-focused section of my position. Moose captures are incoming! It’s both terrifying and exciting at the same time.
This season of my life has been enlightening in so many ways, mostly in my drive to look forward to the future. I’ve never been super future orientated (with large long-term goals/dreams/desires), but that’s been changing. I’m discovering what makes my heart tick. I’m finding the intersections of what personal/professional life can look in a life that truly feels like my own. Life feels more for the taking.
As always, I’m all the more active on my instagram account, which can be found, here. I haven’t quite decided if I’m going to branch out to the Threads yet, but if I do, updates will come there too. I’ll keep you all in the loop. Promise.
If you made it to the end of my clusterfuck stream of conciousness writing, you’re my favorite human bean. I hope to see you all again, soon. :-)
Don’t be a stranger!
Aves
